For three weeks, my nest is empty once again. My mood now is completely different from when my children were studying in Europe. At that time, I was filled with worry, now I am filled with peace.

I have time to savor home slowly. I think a warm home can really make life full of sunshine.

This February, my beloved second aunt, my father’s little sister, passed away. I realized my pain while paying my tribute to her while far away from her. She, the last parent-generation relative who cared, loved, and watched my brother and I grow up, is gone, and there is no more such relative who remembers our childhood stories. The end of her life is also the ending of some stories of life, which is painful…

Letting go of the pain, thinking that although my parents have passed away for many years, my brother and I can chat about our dear parents and relatives in heaven and talk about our hometown and the relatives and friends there, those chats warm my heart! I am grateful to my parents for showing us the warmth of home throughout their lives, so that my brother and I can always talk about trivial matters across the ocean and understand each other and encourage each other.

After my brother encouraged me to create a channel to publish my short videos, whenever his friends praised my short videos, my brother would forward the chat records to me in time. My original intention of making short videos was to help my brother and sister-in-law’s business, after some time, I started to entertain myself by telling stories in my heart, which I enjoyed a lot; the pleasure of bringing entertainment to others through my short videos is an unexpected enjoyment to me. This is the feeling of human love, floating and flowing warmly in the world by words, by messages, and by short videos.

Last night, while chatting with my daughter on the phone, I heard an interesting story about my little grandson, Ben. After his one and half year old little sister tore off the duck attached to the head of her plush toy, she was very upset but was not able to express it in words.

Ben saw his sister was upset and said to his mother: “Use tape (to stick the duck back)!” When I heard it, I laughed and replied: “He really is your son! He already knows the power of tape.” My daughter also knew early on that tape can repair walls, fix books, and things, which made me very proud, as when I was a child, I did not known about tape. Until one day, my daughter told me sadly that the tape failed to fix the fallen hem of her skirt.

Her words made I felt sad and regretful because when I was my daughter’s age, I liked knitting, crocheting, cross-stitching, embroidery and other handicrafts. I remember that my father bought a shed and special needles from Chengdu for me to do embroidery; but my daughter has never seen me do any needlework, because I was busy working and never had the time. This is a glimpse of the tiredness of the first generation immigrant working mothers. After that incident, I began to consciously let my daughter and son see or enjoy me needlework (my daughter learned mending when she was a graduate student, but my son never learned it). I felt at ease knowing that I had tried my best. The three circles in the photo are three embroidery sheds of different sizes.

My daughter also told me on the phone that people praised the trousers I made for Ben using the two long sleeves of an old sweatshirt. I was very happy that my daughter could chat with me about trivial family matters in an interesting way.

Before my mother had Alzheimer’s disease, she often talked about her needlework on the phone, such as altering a piece of clothing or mending an apron. Unfortunately, at that time I was too busy with work and housework and didn’t have the energy to praise my mother.

My daughter also asked me if I had a good dinner last night. This is because I told her the day before yesterday that her brother and sister-in-law would come to dinner on Saturday. I told my daughter that on Saturday morning, Shan (daughter-in-law) said she wanted to eat porridge, but didn’t say what kind of porridge; I cooked three kinds of porridge: millet and pumpkin porridge (millet itself needs to be cooked for two hours), rice and sweet potato porridge (add sweet potato and cook for another hour after the rice blooms in the pot), and rice, glutinous rice and green bean porridge (these three things are soaked in water for a few hours and then put into the pot with cold water to start stew). After hearing this, my daughter praised me. I told her that I made two versions of twice-cooked pork: one that her brother liked, and one with garlic sprouts and steamed bread slices, fried a plate of carrots, lettuce and pumpkin cubes and a plate of broccoli, and boiled a lotus root soup.

There are people to eat, people to listen, and many pots to clean, this is a great joy that only chefs can enjoy.

When I was cooking the sweet potato porridge on Saturday, I suddenly remembered my tiredness of working in the past. There was a period of time I wanted to eat sweet potato porridge and knew how to cook it, but I didn’t have the time or energy to make it. I often went to the deli next to the Chinese supermarket and paid three dollars to buy a cup of very watery sweet potato porridge. At that time, I said to myself: “When I have lots of free time, I will cook a big pot of sweet potato porridge and eat it slowly.” After I became free, my desire to eat sweet potato porridge faded, so I still haven’t cooked a big pot of sweet potato porridge for myself to eat slowly. Today, as I cooked sweet potato porridge for my daughter-in-law, I felt very happy after thinking of this past, because I finally had time to cook sweet potato porridge and eat it slowly.

It is very nourishing to savor the taste of home in my spare time, in my temporarily empty nest.

Today is another rainy day. While sitting by the window watching the rain, I thought of one of the joys of this Chinese New Year, taking a morning walk with my daughter on a cloudy day.

The fifth day of this Chinese New Year is Sunday, my two grandchildren who don’t usually go to the daycare on Sunday will go because Teacher K is free this Sunday, also because they didn’t go Friday! My daughter suggested we visit the San Jose Rose Garden after dropping the babies, I replied: “The roses haven’t bloomed yet, and it is cloudy. Let’s take a walk at the nearby Lake Cunningham Park.”

I was in a rush before going out in the morning and didn’t wear a windbreaker. My daughter only noticed it while driving. She was worried that I would catch a cold if I went for a walk while wearing so little, so I said, “I’ll be warm after a walk, or we can go home get a windbreaker, after dropping the babies.”

Once we arrived at Teacher K’s house, my grandchildren went to play with their favorite toys immediately, and my daughter said to K: “Do you have a thick coat to borrow? As my mother doesn’t have a windbreaker and we are planning to go for a walk in Lake Cunningham Park on the way home.” K went to her closet and brought out five coats for me to choose from. Her thoughtfulness made me happy and my daughter’s flexibility also made me happy. I was in a good mood before I even went for the walk. I picked a beige windbreaker that fit me well. After my daughter thanked K, we left and drove to Lake Cunningham Park. The parking lots there were all empty.

After my daughter parked the car, I took her to the trail along the lake for a walk. At 9:30 on a Sunday morning, there were very few people on the lakeside trail. The occasional runners, dog walkers, and bicycle riders were probably people who really liked outdoor activities, except for the two of us who came early because we had to send the babies to daycare.

I actually like to sleep in. Some time ago, I read a small post saying that it is good for the physical and mental health of the elderly not to sleep in and get up on time in the morning. I thought of my father who went to bed and got up early and was in good health, and thought of how before he passed away at almost 93 years old, he could still read and wrote articles online every day. I started to get up early and on time since then. Although I haven’t felt the benefits of not sleeping in, I think it won’t hurt to stick to it. Maybe it will show health benefits in ten years. I feel the familiar “have an immediate effect” lifestyle is really fading away for me now.

While walking on the lakeside trail, we looked at the lively ducks, geese, and seagulls on the water, I told my daughter: “In the summer, you can see small fish in the water and turtles basking in the sun on the rocks.” We continued walking along the lake, and a while later, my daughter said she saw a turtle sticking its head out of the water, but unfortunately I didn’t see it.

After the turtle, I can’t help but remember Walden Pond in Massachusetts, a place where my daughter and I often went for walks. According to Wikipedia, Walden Pond is a famous example of a kettle hole, it was formed by retreating glaciers 10,000–12,000 years ago. Walden Pond attracts more tourists because of a leading transcendentalist, Henry David Thoreau’s book “Walden”. Once when we were walking on the waterside under the slope next to the railway, my daughter said she saw a turtle floating on the water. I followed the direction she pointed and saw a big green turtle over a foot long. I was very surprised to see such a big turtle. After that, every time we passed that section of water, we always stopped and took a closer look at the water, unfortunately we never saw the green turtle again. At that time, my daughter was single and now she is a mother of two kids, and we also had been away from Massachusetts for almost three years. Time flies!

We passed an open field with fitness equipment and came to the dock. As I like chairs under the shade, I pointed to the chair under the tree by the lake and said: “Look, the chair under the tree is very popular in the summer because of the shade.” The bankside of lake my grandson Ben and I once watched the ducks is gone because the water level of the lake is high during the rainy season. While watching the vanished bank under the dark clouds, I saw many seagulls taking off and landing on the lake, I feel it is lively here.

We changed the route at the end of the lakeside trail and walked to the water playground, which has been renamed CaliBunga Waterpark after switching owners in 2024. The parking lot there is also empty because it is closed in the winter. My daughter still remembers the happy times she and her brother went to the Ranging Waters, used to be called. She said that she will take Ben back to visit the old place in the near future because children love to play in the water.

It took less than an hour to walk a large circle in the park, we felt very relaxed and not tired. On the way to the parking lot, I asked my daughter to take a few photos for me.

The photo captured the cloudy sky on Sunday morning, the empty parking lot, my joy after a walk, K’s beige double-layer buttons windbreaker, and the pink scarf I knitted for my daughter when she was in middle school. This scarf has been with me from California to Massachusetts, and from Massachusetts back to California. The color and texture remain the same, and the memories are clear. It is a souvenir with manyfamily stories.

On rainy days, staying at home is a good time for replaying the fun of walking and chatting with my daughter and the thoughts triggered by it! At age 60, I pray for family harmony and purposeful unity.

Little Episodes

In September 2023, I spent a day at Lake Cunningham Park and watched the sunset before going home, and I started to like this park, and wrote a story。

In March 2021, it was still winter at Walden Pond, we walked on a downhill trail covered with ice, though it was very difficult to walk there, we still finished walking a circle around the pond, and here is the story.

In December 2020, I went for a walk at the snow covered Walden Pond, the peaceful scenery led me to enjoy the rich sounds of nature more story.

In September 2020, we went for a morning walk at Walden Pond, which was full with the COVID-19 pandemic atmosphere. Here is the story.

On a sunny Friday in the late autumn on the East Coast, the news of life and death coming together made me feel the love across the ocean and recall the help I received more than 20 years ago. Happy Friday has a new meaning, as kindness is fresh and ever-lasting.

Lying in bed in the morning, I opened the Wechat and saw the greeting from my aunt in Zigong: “Hello Jingchuan, your father is all right, please rest assured.” along with a recent photo of my 92-years-old father sitting in a wheelchair in a checkered cotton-padded jacket. The news from my hometown across the ocean in the morning gave my Friday start warmth and sweetness, because I felt my aunt’s love and care.

In the morning, I sat in front of the computer, opened my email and saw Alisa had forwarded two emails about Arlene’s funeral service last night.

I had never met Arlene in person. I met Arlene for the first time at the Zoom party celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of my doctoral advisor Ronnie and his wife Alisa in July 2021. I saw Arlene as an old, kind and smiling grandmother and thought she was a friend of Alisa, so I didn’t pay much attention to her, until some old friends of Ronnie and Alisa talked about the people and things of earlier VSL period on Zoom and I heard Arlene say, “I’m glad to hear you talking about my Pete.” Afterward, I knew that she was the wife of Professor Pete Macedo, the big boss of VSL laboratory, and a sense of gratitude arose in me. 

In 1994, Professor Macedo and Ronnie gave me extraordinary help when my six month old daughter was very ill with congenital heart disease, which was very expensive to treat and which my international student medical insurance would not cover at that time. I had to quit my job as a research assistant and go under the poverty line in order to apply for social welfare to treat my daughter’s illness. At that time, VSL quickly handled the dismissal procedure to me. A few months later, when my daughter’s condition had improved, VSL allowed me to return to the laboratory to continue to be a research assistant with funding, which was a considerable and stable source of income at that time. When I was under tough times and felt despair, I often thought of the people who helped me during these extremely difficult times. Professor Macedo is one of the people I often think of.

Recalling the help given to me by Professor Macedo more than 20 years ago in 1994, I feel strongly that the people who have passed away and their kindness will last forever. May Arlene and her Pete be happy together ever after now.

I am also trying to become a person who is capable of being kind. I think that’s one of the best ways to thank the people who have helped me.

Little Episodes

1. Happy Fridays in Silicon Valley:
Visiting San Jose Rose Garden(2017)
My pretty red toenails(2017)
A software engineer’s Friday(2016)
A Friday on the beach (2016)
A Friday lunch gathering

2. My aunt’s message to me：”Hello Jingchuan, your father is all right, please rest assured.”

3. About Prof. Macedo and VSL I found on internet:
Pedro Manoel Buarque de Macedo
JULY 16, 1938 – SEPTEMBER 19, 2016

“The VSL, under his leadership, researched and developed methods for the safe containment of disposed radioactive materials, primarily by converting nuclear waste into solid glass using vitrification techniques. VSL’s vitrification, or glassification, of radioactive waste has prevented that waste from leaching into groundwater or soil。”

4. VSL and I
Macedo is a professor in the Department of physics and VSL and the Department of physics shared a four story building. Many of VSL’s research was done by graduate students from the Department of chemistry. At that time, we joked: “chemistry is a panacea, which can be applied to everywhere.”

Red flowering quince in CUA.
My mother’s letter in the 1990s.
Kang once commented: “Your lunch is very greasy.”.
Ru’s husband described how to steam fish in detail.

My grandpa is over 90 years old and he lives in China. I was very impressed when my mother told me that my grandpa wrote a story about Chinese Valentine. Here is my translation of my grandpa’s story:

The heavenly palace forbade the female weaver (ZhiNiu) in heaven from marrying the cowherd on earth (NiuLang)

The soldiers and general of heaven came to take the weaver back to heaven to be a prisoner.

The Heavenly Queen Mother used her golden hairpin to draw a silver river in the sky,

To keep the two halves of the couple far away from each other.

Luckily the holy birds made a bridge across the silver river in the sky on the seventh day of the seventh month in the Lunar calendar.

This allows ZhiNiu and NiuLang to meet on the bird bridge once a year with their two children.

In Chinese folktales, the ZhiNiu (ZhiNiu: the heaven cloth weave girl) constellation is a big star surround by four little stars in a diamond shape on one side of the Milky Way (the silver river). The NiuLang constellation is a big star with two little stars.

No matter how much the media currently praises this story, in my opinion, the Chinese Valentine’s Day remains a sad story.

Little Episodes

1. Background of “Grandpa’s Story about Chinese Valentine”
My 90 years old father likes to write and publish his articles on his own WeChat official account：“桑逢乐”.

My daughter knows that writing articles is a great hobby of her Grandpa. Every time we talk about her Grandpa, she will ask me: “What has grandpa written recently?”

I always tell her about the recent articles written by my father.

Before the Lunar calendar Double Seventh Festival, which is also called Chinese Valentine’s Day(July 7th), my father wrote a story about Chinese Valentine’s Day.

After heard about this story, my daughter commented, “The story about Chinese Valentine’s Day written by grandpa is very interesting. Can you translate that story into English?”

After I translated the story into awkward English, my daughter tuned it and asked me to show the English verion to my father, “Could you please show the translated story to Grandpa? Hope this will make him happy.”

2. The Chinese Valentine’s Day story my father published on his weChat

3. A typical picture of “NiuLang ZhiNiu”

Because of the global pandemic in 2020, I have not visited my father in China since December 2019.

At the beginning of this year, I told my daughter that her grandfather’s birthday is March 12 and her grandfather doesn’t like anything I send back to him.

As my daughter knew that one of her grandfather’s favorite hobby is writing, she said: “Let me select some of grandfather’s articles on his 公众号 (a brand of personal blog hosted by Tencent which is censored) and make a book as a birthday gift for him, just like the book I made for your birthday.”

I was very happy to hear her suggestion, so we started to download my father’s articles from his 公众号 for my daughter to read and select in January,

I curiously asked her: “You could not understand Grandpa’s articles with your current Chinese reading skill, how can you make a book for him?”

My daughter said: “I could use some translation app.”

She selected more than 30 articles out of more than the 150 articles published on her grandfather’s 公众号. She categorized the articles into four sections: Writing (文)、Government (辖)、Labor (工)、and Family (家). She used her grandfather’s birthday 03-12-2021 to date the book. She chose a picture of her grandfather in his youth as the book cover. She titled her grandfather’s first book “Cumulation Over the Time (日积月累)”. She also wished her grandfather good health in order to write more articles this year on the birthday card she wrote for him.

My daughter purposely choose her grandfather’s poem dated 05-03-2019 as the last article in the book. She explained to me: “I think this poem is grandfather’s way to remember my late grandmother.” (my mother passed away on 05-02-2020)
Turning into smoke flying to heaven
Ashes into a box after cremation
7th-day-memorial five times ceremony
Remembering on birthday and death-day
Memories fade over time
Mentioning sometimes would be normal
Later great-grandchildren would ask
Who are the old people in the picture on our wall?

I was so touched by her thoughts: “I am sure your grandfather will be very happy to read his own book.”

My daughter dedicated an entire week to finalize the book: picking a font, designing the book cover, and arranging for publication. She printed out 6 copies of her grandfather’s book, one for me, and rest of the five copies were sent to her grandfather after the Chinese New Year (02-11-2021).

Good things are a long time in coming, the birthday gift to her grandfather was on hold at Chengdu custom since 03-03-2021.

On March 12, 2021, my daughter and I wished my father happy birthday over the phone and chatted with him. My father said to his granddaughter: “The book you made for me is the best gift.”

Though, my father could not hold his own book on his birthday, I took pictures of his book and shared with him over the internet, so my father could see how his own book made by his granddaughter is look like, hope this bring him a virtual joy.

The cover of the book

The cover and the first page of the book:

The four sections

Writing (文)：

Government (辖)：

Labor (工)：

Family (家)：

The last page of the book

Grandfather’s pome remembering late grandmother：

Turning into smoke flying to heaven
Ashes into a box after cremation
7th-day-memorial five times ceremony
Remembering on birthday and death-day
Memories fade over time
Mentioning at times would be normal
Later great-grandchildren would ask
Who are the old people in the picture on our wall?

06-25-2019

While discussing the change of personalities that come with age, my son recommended to me a book called “The Little Prince”, which is often a required reading in high school (originally written in French).

“The Little Prince” described a few adults who appeared very strange from a boy’s point of view. From those adults, I felt some familiar adult behaviors: in the process of growing up, the hardworking adults who lost their dreams and weakened their desires slowly became inflexible and devoted workers.

The lamplighter in the book tirelessly light and put out the lamp every minute also moved me.

Recently, while reading my father’s blog, I suddenly realized my over 90 year old father is the adult who didn’t lose his dreams, as mentioned in the story: “All grown-ups were once children, but only few of them remember it.”

My father’s path is as follows:as In 1950, my father dropped out of college (ChongQing University) to join the air force in the new China. After he became a member of the Communist Party, he was chosen as a golden boy and became a young instructor to study and teach the theory and history of newly established Chinese Communist Party in the Air Force Academy, in Changchun.

My father had his dream and was very precise. In a series of political reforms in China in 1950s and 1960s, my father didn’t go along with the mainstream, but instead voiced out his criticism and suggestions to some events which he thought were not right, this negatively affected my father’s career, thus losing his golden boy rank.

A few decades hardship in his career did not destroy my father’s dream which motivated him to drop out of college to join the army when he was young. Nowadays, some of my father’s daily pleasures are: reading books, reading newspapers, writing articles to discuss common questions and thoughts related to Chinese social development.

I felt my father’s articles come alive with his patriotic blood and full of his dreams for a better society.

May my father be a role model to guide me to be enjoy reading and writing.

Little Episodes

[Father's Day] My father, once handsome, is very modern now. After his article was published on his official website, my father read his work for the first time from a mobile phone, a advanced enjoyment. My dad is a good role model who never stops learning. (Today, my brother published my daddy’s article and captured dad’s appreciation his work.)

Screenshot from ：50 classics from (almost) everyone’s high school reading list: “In ‘The Little Prince’, a pilot whose plane has crashed in the Sahara desert meets a young boy from outer space. The boy is traveling from planet to planet in search of friendship. On the boy’s home—an asteroid—he lived alone, accompanied only by a solitary rose. Once on Earth, the boy meets a wise fox who tells him he can only see clearly with his heart.”

In my hometown Zigong, on the DongZhi (Winter Solstice) Day, families often stew many herbs with meats to make a special tonic soup.

Though I left Zigong for more than 20 year ago, I still remember the strong herb smell and the slight bitterness of Yeyi’s tonic soup. I also remember Yeyi’s comments on tonic soup: “Tonic soup is not suitable for everyone. Tonic soup can be fatal for people who are too weak to take it.”

In 2016, I was alone in San Jose on Winter Solstice Day. In 2017, I spent Winter Solstice with my parents in Beijing and enjoyed the Zigong’s authentic tonic soup made by my uncle, after many years.

The tonic soup made by uncle contains duck and pork meats along with more than ten types of Chinese herbs, such as: Lingzhi, Tianma, ginkgo, Shihu, ginseng, angelica sinensis, Dangshen, astragalus, Qingui, YiRen, euryale xerox, jujube, and Gouji(天麻、白果、石斛、人参、当归、党参、黄芪、芩归、苡仁、芡实、红枣、枸杞) .

My toes felt very warm right after I drank the tonic soup. Following my hometown tradition, we drank the tonic soup for several days and I felt very warm everyday. Drinking tonic soup is indeed a very enjoyable task for me.

However, my father insisted on not drinking the tonic soup the second day because he felt ill after drinking the soup on the first day. My father grew up in ShanDong, far from Zigong. His body is probably not used to Zigong’s tonic soup. Just like Yeyi said that not everyone can eat tonic soup.

In the next few days, my aunt blended the tonic soup with green vegetables and rice into smoothies for my mother. I watched my mother was getting better day by day. I guessed that authentic Zigong tonic soup had an authentic effect on my mother, as an authentic Zigongnese. After not talking for five days, my mother started to talk when my uncle played with her. My mother said very loudly: “NiZaiFangPi(You are bullish)” and woke me up as I was taking nap near her. I felt my hometown’s dialect is very familiar and sweet to my ears, even the swear words.

Later, while skypeing with my daughter, I told her: “I drank Zigong tonic soup on DongZhi, after more than 20 years.”

My daughter immediately said: “Oh, I know DongZhi is Winter solstice, the day with the shortest daylight of the year.”

When I was little, I drank tonic soup on DongZhi every year, but I didn’t know DongZhi has the shortest daylight of the year. My daughter has never drank tonic soup on DongZhi, but she immediately explained the unique weather characteristics of DongZhi. This got me thinking…

My daughter described the characteristic of DongZhi accurately in one sentence. I used many sentences but only described a small portion of my hometown Zigong’s rich DongZhi traditions.

I feel scientific knowledge by itself is lifeless and plain, lacks rich feeling. Meanwhile our traditions are enriched by our feelings and cultures constantly.