For three weeks, my nest is empty once again. My mood now is completely different from when my children were studying in Europe. At that time, I was filled with worry, now I am filled with peace.

I have time to savor home slowly. I think a warm home can really make life full of sunshine.

This February, my beloved second aunt, my father’s little sister, passed away. I realized my pain while paying my tribute to her while far away from her. She, the last parent-generation relative who cared, loved, and watched my brother and I grow up, is gone, and there is no more such relative who remembers our childhood stories. The end of her life is also the ending of some stories of life, which is painful…

Letting go of the pain, thinking that although my parents have passed away for many years, my brother and I can chat about our dear parents and relatives in heaven and talk about our hometown and the relatives and friends there, those chats warm my heart! I am grateful to my parents for showing us the warmth of home throughout their lives, so that my brother and I can always talk about trivial matters across the ocean and understand each other and encourage each other.

After my brother encouraged me to create a channel to publish my short videos, whenever his friends praised my short videos, my brother would forward the chat records to me in time. My original intention of making short videos was to help my brother and sister-in-law’s business, after some time, I started to entertain myself by telling stories in my heart, which I enjoyed a lot; the pleasure of bringing entertainment to others through my short videos is an unexpected enjoyment to me. This is the feeling of human love, floating and flowing warmly in the world by words, by messages, and by short videos.

Last night, while chatting with my daughter on the phone, I heard an interesting story about my little grandson, Ben. After his one and half year old little sister tore off the duck attached to the head of her plush toy, she was very upset but was not able to express it in words.

Ben saw his sister was upset and said to his mother: “Use tape (to stick the duck back)!” When I heard it, I laughed and replied: “He really is your son! He already knows the power of tape.” My daughter also knew early on that tape can repair walls, fix books, and things, which made me very proud, as when I was a child, I did not known about tape. Until one day, my daughter told me sadly that the tape failed to fix the fallen hem of her skirt.

Her words made I felt sad and regretful because when I was my daughter’s age, I liked knitting, crocheting, cross-stitching, embroidery and other handicrafts. I remember that my father bought a shed and special needles from Chengdu for me to do embroidery; but my daughter has never seen me do any needlework, because I was busy working and never had the time. This is a glimpse of the tiredness of the first generation immigrant working mothers. After that incident, I began to consciously let my daughter and son see or enjoy me needlework (my daughter learned mending when she was a graduate student, but my son never learned it). I felt at ease knowing that I had tried my best. The three circles in the photo are three embroidery sheds of different sizes.

My daughter also told me on the phone that people praised the trousers I made for Ben using the two long sleeves of an old sweatshirt. I was very happy that my daughter could chat with me about trivial family matters in an interesting way.

Before my mother had Alzheimer’s disease, she often talked about her needlework on the phone, such as altering a piece of clothing or mending an apron. Unfortunately, at that time I was too busy with work and housework and didn’t have the energy to praise my mother.

My daughter also asked me if I had a good dinner last night. This is because I told her the day before yesterday that her brother and sister-in-law would come to dinner on Saturday. I told my daughter that on Saturday morning, Shan (daughter-in-law) said she wanted to eat porridge, but didn’t say what kind of porridge; I cooked three kinds of porridge: millet and pumpkin porridge (millet itself needs to be cooked for two hours), rice and sweet potato porridge (add sweet potato and cook for another hour after the rice blooms in the pot), and rice, glutinous rice and green bean porridge (these three things are soaked in water for a few hours and then put into the pot with cold water to start stew). After hearing this, my daughter praised me. I told her that I made two versions of twice-cooked pork: one that her brother liked, and one with garlic sprouts and steamed bread slices, fried a plate of carrots, lettuce and pumpkin cubes and a plate of broccoli, and boiled a lotus root soup.

There are people to eat, people to listen, and many pots to clean, this is a great joy that only chefs can enjoy.

When I was cooking the sweet potato porridge on Saturday, I suddenly remembered my tiredness of working in the past. There was a period of time I wanted to eat sweet potato porridge and knew how to cook it, but I didn’t have the time or energy to make it. I often went to the deli next to the Chinese supermarket and paid three dollars to buy a cup of very watery sweet potato porridge. At that time, I said to myself: “When I have lots of free time, I will cook a big pot of sweet potato porridge and eat it slowly.” After I became free, my desire to eat sweet potato porridge faded, so I still haven’t cooked a big pot of sweet potato porridge for myself to eat slowly. Today, as I cooked sweet potato porridge for my daughter-in-law, I felt very happy after thinking of this past, because I finally had time to cook sweet potato porridge and eat it slowly.

It is very nourishing to savor the taste of home in my spare time, in my temporarily empty nest.

Today is another rainy day. While sitting by the window watching the rain, I thought of one of the joys of this Chinese New Year, taking a morning walk with my daughter on a cloudy day.

The fifth day of this Chinese New Year is Sunday, my two grandchildren who don’t usually go to the daycare on Sunday will go because Teacher K is free this Sunday, also because they didn’t go Friday! My daughter suggested we visit the San Jose Rose Garden after dropping the babies, I replied: “The roses haven’t bloomed yet, and it is cloudy. Let’s take a walk at the nearby Lake Cunningham Park.”

I was in a rush before going out in the morning and didn’t wear a windbreaker. My daughter only noticed it while driving. She was worried that I would catch a cold if I went for a walk while wearing so little, so I said, “I’ll be warm after a walk, or we can go home get a windbreaker, after dropping the babies.”

Once we arrived at Teacher K’s house, my grandchildren went to play with their favorite toys immediately, and my daughter said to K: “Do you have a thick coat to borrow? As my mother doesn’t have a windbreaker and we are planning to go for a walk in Lake Cunningham Park on the way home.” K went to her closet and brought out five coats for me to choose from. Her thoughtfulness made me happy and my daughter’s flexibility also made me happy. I was in a good mood before I even went for the walk. I picked a beige windbreaker that fit me well. After my daughter thanked K, we left and drove to Lake Cunningham Park. The parking lots there were all empty.

After my daughter parked the car, I took her to the trail along the lake for a walk. At 9:30 on a Sunday morning, there were very few people on the lakeside trail. The occasional runners, dog walkers, and bicycle riders were probably people who really liked outdoor activities, except for the two of us who came early because we had to send the babies to daycare.

I actually like to sleep in. Some time ago, I read a small post saying that it is good for the physical and mental health of the elderly not to sleep in and get up on time in the morning. I thought of my father who went to bed and got up early and was in good health, and thought of how before he passed away at almost 93 years old, he could still read and wrote articles online every day. I started to get up early and on time since then. Although I haven’t felt the benefits of not sleeping in, I think it won’t hurt to stick to it. Maybe it will show health benefits in ten years. I feel the familiar “have an immediate effect” lifestyle is really fading away for me now.

While walking on the lakeside trail, we looked at the lively ducks, geese, and seagulls on the water, I told my daughter: “In the summer, you can see small fish in the water and turtles basking in the sun on the rocks.” We continued walking along the lake, and a while later, my daughter said she saw a turtle sticking its head out of the water, but unfortunately I didn’t see it.

After the turtle, I can’t help but remember Walden Pond in Massachusetts, a place where my daughter and I often went for walks. According to Wikipedia, Walden Pond is a famous example of a kettle hole, it was formed by retreating glaciers 10,000–12,000 years ago. Walden Pond attracts more tourists because of a leading transcendentalist, Henry David Thoreau’s book “Walden”. Once when we were walking on the waterside under the slope next to the railway, my daughter said she saw a turtle floating on the water. I followed the direction she pointed and saw a big green turtle over a foot long. I was very surprised to see such a big turtle. After that, every time we passed that section of water, we always stopped and took a closer look at the water, unfortunately we never saw the green turtle again. At that time, my daughter was single and now she is a mother of two kids, and we also had been away from Massachusetts for almost three years. Time flies!

We passed an open field with fitness equipment and came to the dock. As I like chairs under the shade, I pointed to the chair under the tree by the lake and said: “Look, the chair under the tree is very popular in the summer because of the shade.” The bankside of lake my grandson Ben and I once watched the ducks is gone because the water level of the lake is high during the rainy season. While watching the vanished bank under the dark clouds, I saw many seagulls taking off and landing on the lake, I feel it is lively here.

We changed the route at the end of the lakeside trail and walked to the water playground, which has been renamed CaliBunga Waterpark after switching owners in 2024. The parking lot there is also empty because it is closed in the winter. My daughter still remembers the happy times she and her brother went to the Ranging Waters, used to be called. She said that she will take Ben back to visit the old place in the near future because children love to play in the water.

It took less than an hour to walk a large circle in the park, we felt very relaxed and not tired. On the way to the parking lot, I asked my daughter to take a few photos for me.

The photo captured the cloudy sky on Sunday morning, the empty parking lot, my joy after a walk, K’s beige double-layer buttons windbreaker, and the pink scarf I knitted for my daughter when she was in middle school. This scarf has been with me from California to Massachusetts, and from Massachusetts back to California. The color and texture remain the same, and the memories are clear. It is a souvenir with manyfamily stories.

On rainy days, staying at home is a good time for replaying the fun of walking and chatting with my daughter and the thoughts triggered by it! At age 60, I pray for family harmony and purposeful unity.

Little Episodes

In September 2023, I spent a day at Lake Cunningham Park and watched the sunset before going home, and I started to like this park, and wrote a story。

In March 2021, it was still winter at Walden Pond, we walked on a downhill trail covered with ice, though it was very difficult to walk there, we still finished walking a circle around the pond, and here is the story.

In December 2020, I went for a walk at the snow covered Walden Pond, the peaceful scenery led me to enjoy the rich sounds of nature more story.

In September 2020, we went for a morning walk at Walden Pond, which was full with the COVID-19 pandemic atmosphere. Here is the story.

On a sunny Friday in the late autumn on the East Coast, the news of life and death coming together made me feel the love across the ocean and recall the help I received more than 20 years ago. Happy Friday has a new meaning, as kindness is fresh and ever-lasting.

Lying in bed in the morning, I opened the Wechat and saw the greeting from my aunt in Zigong: “Hello Jingchuan, your father is all right, please rest assured.” along with a recent photo of my 92-years-old father sitting in a wheelchair in a checkered cotton-padded jacket. The news from my hometown across the ocean in the morning gave my Friday start warmth and sweetness, because I felt my aunt’s love and care.

In the morning, I sat in front of the computer, opened my email and saw Alisa had forwarded two emails about Arlene’s funeral service last night.

I had never met Arlene in person. I met Arlene for the first time at the Zoom party celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of my doctoral advisor Ronnie and his wife Alisa in July 2021. I saw Arlene as an old, kind and smiling grandmother and thought she was a friend of Alisa, so I didn’t pay much attention to her, until some old friends of Ronnie and Alisa talked about the people and things of earlier VSL period on Zoom and I heard Arlene say, “I’m glad to hear you talking about my Pete.” Afterward, I knew that she was the wife of Professor Pete Macedo, the big boss of VSL laboratory, and a sense of gratitude arose in me. 

In 1994, Professor Macedo and Ronnie gave me extraordinary help when my six month old daughter was very ill with congenital heart disease, which was very expensive to treat and which my international student medical insurance would not cover at that time. I had to quit my job as a research assistant and go under the poverty line in order to apply for social welfare to treat my daughter’s illness. At that time, VSL quickly handled the dismissal procedure to me. A few months later, when my daughter’s condition had improved, VSL allowed me to return to the laboratory to continue to be a research assistant with funding, which was a considerable and stable source of income at that time. When I was under tough times and felt despair, I often thought of the people who helped me during these extremely difficult times. Professor Macedo is one of the people I often think of.

Recalling the help given to me by Professor Macedo more than 20 years ago in 1994, I feel strongly that the people who have passed away and their kindness will last forever. May Arlene and her Pete be happy together ever after now.

I am also trying to become a person who is capable of being kind. I think that’s one of the best ways to thank the people who have helped me.

Little Episodes

1. Happy Fridays in Silicon Valley:
Visiting San Jose Rose Garden(2017)
My pretty red toenails(2017)
A software engineer’s Friday(2016)
A Friday on the beach (2016)
A Friday lunch gathering

2. My aunt’s message to me：”Hello Jingchuan, your father is all right, please rest assured.”

3. About Prof. Macedo and VSL I found on internet:
Pedro Manoel Buarque de Macedo
JULY 16, 1938 – SEPTEMBER 19, 2016

“The VSL, under his leadership, researched and developed methods for the safe containment of disposed radioactive materials, primarily by converting nuclear waste into solid glass using vitrification techniques. VSL’s vitrification, or glassification, of radioactive waste has prevented that waste from leaching into groundwater or soil。”

4. VSL and I
Macedo is a professor in the Department of physics and VSL and the Department of physics shared a four story building. Many of VSL’s research was done by graduate students from the Department of chemistry. At that time, we joked: “chemistry is a panacea, which can be applied to everywhere.”

Red flowering quince in CUA.
My mother’s letter in the 1990s.
Kang once commented: “Your lunch is very greasy.”.
Ru’s husband described how to steam fish in detail.

“Ying-Nan Chiu（11-25-1933 to 07-18-2009), was a world-famous physical chemist. He taught at the Catholic University of America since 1964, serving as Assistant Professor, Associate Professor, Professor in the Department of Chemistry, Chairman of the Department of Chemistry, and as Professor Emeritus. He received Fellow of the American Physical Society, U.S.A.(1986) and Academician of Academia Sinica, R.O.C.(1986), among others.”

In mid July, Ru, one of my CUA alumina in Maryland, sent me a photo and told me, “I saw it while walking in the park today. Do you remember Prof. Chiu?”

Seeing the inscription on the photo: “丘應楠 in loving memory of Ying Nan Chiu 1932 – 2009″, I immediately replied, “Of course I remember him. I was planning to write a story about our beloved Prof. Chiu too. Thanks for sharing! ”

In my memories, Prof. Chiu is always happy, humble and scholarly. Ru also said: “Prof. Chiu is very kind and patient to students, and he is a very modest gentleman. He is a good role model for us to follow. ”

I once took Prof. Chiu’s course “Carbon structure and superconductive principle”. I liked his devoted and interesting teaching style very much. This course allowed me to see the geometric perfection of the micro world. At that time, he really helped me understand the principle of superconductivity (although I may have forgotten it by now). However, I still remember clearly that comparing with the thick 19 in × 24 in (48.3 cm × 61.0 cm) college textbook I used in the United States, Prof. Chiu’s textbook is not thick but small (about 5 in × 8 in (13 cm × 20 cm)). Just like other textbooks I used, this book also costed more than 60 dollars, which was my monthly food expenses.

I felt that Prof. Chiu had taken extra steps to promote the public image of Chinese. I remember that around 1992, Yaxiong’s daughter in middle school received the Presidential Award. Prof. Chiu posted the news in the corridor near the entrance on the first floor of the chemistry department, so that everyone in the department could see the good news and be proud of Yaxiong’s daughter.

I also worked with Kang, Prof. Chiu’s youngest son who just graduated from college, in the VSL laboratory; He was in charge of the regulations related to radioactivity. I worked in the chemical laboratory. Sometimes we met in the lunch room during lunch time.

After seeing my lunch many times, Kang once commented: “Your lunch is very greasy.”

I often ate my homemade lunch like this, so I asked him, “Isn’t it good to have oil in food?”

He frowned: “If it’s too greasy, it is unhealthy.”

His answer made me feel that he was very considerate and honest and that Prof. Chiu’s family paid good attention to healthy diet. In short, I respect Prof. Chiu very much.

I think Prof. Chiu’s greatest influence on me is after I graduated with my doctorate.

One day, Prof. Chiu came to me and said, “Your advisor, Prof. Barkatt, is applying for a tenured professor position and needs several letters of recommendation from his previous graduate students. Will you write a letter of recommendation for Professor Barkatt? ”

I had never written a letter of recommendation in English, so I was worried and refused: “My English is not good, and there will definitely be mistakes in my writing which won’t help Professor Barkatt. So I won’t write.”

Prof. Chiu thought for a moment and said seriously, “English is not your mother tongue, but if you write carefully with your own thoughts, readers will read your true feelings even with some wrong words.”

So I wrote my first English recommendation letter and recommended my advisor as a tenured professor.

Even now I still believe that “if you write carefully with your own thoughts, readers will read your true feelings even with some wrong words.” Because I trust Prof. Chiu very much.

Prof. Chiu’s words are one of the driving forces of my continuing to write Chinese stories in my mother tongue now.

Little Episodes

1. The inscription in the park in Maryland（Photo by Ru）：

2. Photo about Prof. Chiu I found online：“1985年化學所召開第一次諮詢委員會，出席人員（從左至右）為彭旭明所長、丘應楠院士、吳大猷院長、李遠哲院士、劉兆玄教授、張啟光教授（被遮擋）、及前所長林渭川教授。”

3. Prof. Chiu and I on my master graduation (1992）.

4. Greek classmate，Prof. Chiu, and I who just finished my Ph.D. oral defense（1994）.

Ruth, the veterinarian of Kara (our cat Princess), is an Israeli poet. Ruth said that she had a talent for writing poetry ever since she was a child. She also told me that poems should be read slowly to sip and taste the beauty of every word in the poem.

In January, when I went to her clinic to buy prescription cat food for Kara, I bought one of her poetry collection books called Cyclamen, I asked her to read me a poem on her book, and also asked her to sign her book for me.

Ruth thought for a moment and wrote for me: “To Jing, To never ending end. Ruth M 01-20-21″

I asked curiously, “What does ‘To never ending end’ mean?”

Ruth said, “Our life will end, and the written words can last forever. We can make life ‘never end’ by writing the stories of life. For example, this collection of poems is dedicated to Jacky, my son’s elementary school teacher who died young.”

After listening to Ruth’s explanation, I understand that “to never ending end” means “without ending”. Ruth’s words: “We can make life ‘never end’ by written the stories of life” stayed with me.

At the end of February, Zhenzhen, one of my high school best friends, mentioned her childhood neighbor friend Xia Ruiqiu in our online chatting group. I immediately remembered Xia Ruiqiu, because she was my classmate in Zigong No. 1 middle school. I remembered she was pretty with sweet smiles.

Thinking of the past in 2011, while preparing for our 30 years high school graduation reunion, Zhenzhen searched and found me who had lost contact with her for more than 20 years and invited me into our high school online chatting group, I wanted to help Zhenzhen find Ruiqiu. I thought it would be a happy story and I would find a long lost friend for Zhenzhen who was far away in Australia, just as Zhenzhen found me nine years ago.

I learned from one of my friends graduated from Zigong No. 1 middle school in Beijing that Ruiqiu became a teacher in a university in Chengdu after graduating from college. Then I reached out to one of my old colleagues in Shuguang middle school back in 1980s, because she is a professor in the same university as Ruiqiu is now. After a long search, my old colleague told me that Xia Ruiqiu committed suicide after a heartbreaking love in 1988.

When Zhenzhen heard this sad news, she sighed, “It is very sad to hear this. She was very smart. She started to swim in elementary school and has excellent physical coordination. I could not imagine her dying in this way!! ”

After learning the news, the friend in Beijing said, “She is introverted… It’s sad! In fact, first love is not necessarily the best! Many young people don’t understand… ”

Although the news was more than 30 years late, I felt that my classmate died so young was just like a flower that had faded before blossoming. I felt very sad and thought for a long time. The catchy “Liberty and love, These two I must have. For my love I’ll sacrifice, My life. For liberty I’ll sacrifice My love. by Sandor Petofi” in the 1980s, has not been questioned, and may have misled some pure souls…

Life is the most precious thing. “We can make life ‘never end’ by writing the stories of life. ”

May Ruiqiu find true love in heaven.

Little Episodes

1. “Cyclamen” poem collection book signed by Ruth, the poet：

2. Our princess Kara is looking at the rain outside the window.

3. “Liberty and love!” by Hungary poet Sandor Petofi

Liberty and love,
These two I must have.
For my love I’ll sacrifice,
My life.
For liberty I’ll sacrifice
My love.