When my parents came to visit us in the United States during April 1997, we were living in an apartment near 19th Avenue in Daly City, close to Golden Gate Park. The Botanical Garden in Golden Gate Park was free to enter at the time and my mother, who loves flowers, especially liked the flowers and plants in the park. Unfortunately, since I was busy working as a newly hired software engineer in a small startup company and had a long commute from Daly City to Novato City in Marin County, we couldn’t visit Golden Gate Park very often.

At the end of 1997, after my family moved from Daly City to East San Jose, I changed jobs to work at Lattice Semiconductor, a programmable chip hardware company. Since I was working in a hardware company as a software developer, my workload was much lighter now as the delivery cycle of software products was driven by the hardware chip delivery cycle which is usually slow. My father liked outdoor activities and my mother and I liked flowers, so I started to drive my parents and my daughter to the nearby parks to walk around and to see flowers almost every weekend. I still remember when my mother first walked in Overfelt Garden Park, she immediately pointed to the evergreen trees on our left side and said: “These are osmanthus trees. We can come here to smell the fragrance of osmanthus in the autumn.” It was my first time seeing osmanthus trees in the United States and I thought they were short, less than two meters high, unlike the tall osmanthus trees I saw in China before.

During the next autumn, in 1998, we went to Overfelt Park just to smell the fragrance of osmanthus. Although the silver osmanthus flowers were sparse and could not fill the air with fragrance, my mother stood among the osmanthus trees, putting her nose close to the silver flowers and said with a smile, “It smells very good!” This scene is engraved in my memory with the joy of my first autumn with the fragrance of osmanthus in the United States.

In November 1998, after my son was born, my mother went back to China alone due to illness and my father stayed with us to help me take care of my newborn son and kindergarten daughter. I often drove my father and two children to Overfelt Garden Park, as it was very close to our home. I remember the purple morning glories blooming at the entrance of the park in summer and the aggressive geese by the lakeside in spring.

In the summer of 2000, before my daughter entered third grade, my family moved to South San Jose for a better school district. After moving, I stopped visiting Overfelt Garden Park and the name of Overfelt Garden faded from my memory.

In the summer of 2018, I moved from San Jose, California to Waltham, Massachusetts to accompany my daughter’s Ph.D. study in Brandeis University. While talking with my son who lived in San Jose, California over the phone, I suddenly heard of Overfelt Garden Park again, because my son liked to play Pokemon Go and there were many Pokemon in Overfelt Garden Park. I remembered the sweet-scented osmanthus in Overfelt Garden and started to look for the sweet-scented osmanthus while enjoying the gorgeous autumn colors in the East Coast. Unfortunately, I never saw nor smelt the sweet-scented osmanthus.

In September 2022, after returning to Silicon Valley in California from Massachusetts with my daughter’s family, we lived in an apartment for a few months. I happened to see several huge trees with silver osmanthus blossoms across the street from our apartment. The trees were taller than a one-floor house. I frequently walked there to smell the sweet-scented osmanthus which reminded me of the osmanthus trees in Overfelt Garden Park again.

In early 2023, my daughter’s family moved from the apartment to a house in East San Jose. In September 2023, I visited Overfelt Garden Park again for the first time in more than twenty years to try to see and smell the sweet-scented osmanthus. Unfortunately, seeing that the sweet-scented osmanthus trees were gone made me sad, as the trees were an object far away from my hometown which reminded me of my late mother’s love for flowers.

I suddenly wanted to see the forest of osmanthus and smell the fragrance of osmanthus which filled the air, such a scene can only be found in Xindu Guihu, Sichuan in my memory.

My longing for the massive osmanthus scene was finally fulfilled in October 2024.

Seeing the flowers suddenly made me remember the time my Mom and Dad visited Overfelt Garden in the United States and made me smile. Seeing the flowers again brought me the same happiness I felt back then.

Postscript:

Before returning to China at the end of September 2024, through an alumni from Sichuan Normal University, I invited Sichuan’s gold medal tour guide Jiang Yu to plan a few days of travel for my aunts and uncles from my mother’s side in Zigong. I thought of Xindu Guihu, so I put this place on the itinerary. Unfortunately, my aunts and uncles did not want to stay overnight outside, so this plan fell through. Finally, I accompanied them on a one-day tour, chartered a six-seater business car for 1,000 yuan, and went to Lizhuang, Shunan Bamboo Sea, and Yibin.

The autumn colors in 2021

The White Mountains in New Hampshire:

The Flume Gorge in New Hampshire:

The North Bridge Conccord in Massachusetts:

The Gibbet Hill in Massachusetts:

In 2022, I encountered the silver osmanthus huge trees.

After my parents came to the United States, we moved from Daly City to East San Jose. All the memories and thoughts were written here after I read my late mother’s limerick (1998).

I have a long and interesting history of playing Pokemon Go with my children in San Francisco and in Boston here

In 2016, I had not thought of enjoying osmanthus in the golden autumn, but I enjoyed the of tasting golden osmanthus flowers in the golden autumn, as I had dried osmanthus at home. This is the story

We set off at 9:40 in the morning and returned around 9:00 in the evening. The cell phone ran out of battery and we were still fully charged, because it is a very refreshing day trip to the beach! The sound of the ocean waves washed away the distracting murmurs in my mind and the dense negative air (oxygen) ions along the seaside replaced the heavy things on my mind…

We drove and stopped freely along the way because we didn’t have a fixed schedule.

After seeing the roadside advertisement of “Five avocados for one dollar”, we agreed to stop and get some bargains before continuing on our way.

We stopped at the roadside vegetable stand which had ample parking space, walked to the stand to look for the five avocados for one dollar sign. We only saw green shiny avocados the size of mangoes for $1.99 each, then we each bought a few very fresh local sweet potatoes and tomatoes, just $0.99 a pound. Ann said she would steam the sweet potatoes, and I said I would make sweet potato porridge. I asked the cashier if she accepted credit cards, and she replied, “Credit cards will add a 79 cent handling fee, cash no fee.”

After getting the goods, I told the casher unwillingly: “I didn’t see five avocados for one dollar as saying on the roadside advertisement.” The casher lady pointed to the store upstairs behind her and said, “Inside, seven for one dollar.” I asked: “So cheap, is it good?” She raised her thumb and nodded. We walked up the stairs and entered the store, where we saw black bumpy avocados that were slightly bigger than eggs with a sign of: seven for one dollar, limited to 14. Since I was here to get a bargain, I happily bought 14 avocados for 2 dollars. As we paid in cash, I made a mental note always bring some cash when going out.

Today’s temperature and wind speed are very pleasant, perfect for a topdown convertible ride on CA Route One along the oceanside! We smelled the scent of canola flowers in the wind and saw a big field of yellow canola flowers. We could also smell the strong ocean salty air in the wind before we even reached the seaside.

We stopped at a viewing point which overlooked the coastline view and the mansions. The azure blue water was beautiful and the sea breeze was refreshing without any chill. Ann, a skillful photographer, captured many of my happy moments. Thank you, Ann!

It seemed like Point Lobos State Natural Reserve was having a big event today, as many cars were parked on the roadside. While driving past the long line of pretty parked cars, I constantly saw people walking towards the gate of the Reserve and I started to feel that many people are also not working on a workday.

The Bixby Bridge is a must-see for me. Today, the parking lot at the corner of the bridge was closed for construction. The parking spaces on the roadside were also full. Again, I felt that many other people are also not working today. From a distance on the roadside parking spot, I saw two young couples facing the Bixby Bridge and taking photos of themselves on the roadside close to the ocean, I felt sweet air floating nearby and quickly took photos to keep the memory.

Walking near the bridge, I remembered seeing a romantic newlywed couple leaving messages on their car window asking for a congratulatory drink through Venmo. I also remembered the time when I jumped up and down more excited than my son here. These are special spiritual tonics that come from revisiting a familiar place and I felt these tonics were silently nourishing my soul.

When I stood at Hurricane Point, which I am familiar with and like, I remembered the scene and mood when I saw a cage of strong little flowers here for the first time after my mother passed away in 2018… In my heart, I comforted my mother in heaven that everything is fine here!

Today’s strong wind that could blow people down was not cold at all, which was rare. I deeply enjoyed the layered and spectacular scenery between the blue sea and the sky: the curved coast, the surging white waves, the steep cliffs, the green grass, the undulating mountains, and Bixby Bridge. Thanks to Ann for suggesting we go out today.

On the way back, we stopped by a roadside that already held many parked cars. After getting out of the car, we followed the people walking along the narrow path among orychophragmus flowers, weeds, and shrubs towards the seaside. We soon went downhill and came to a narrow valley and saw many calla lilies blooming on both sides of a stream flowing down the hill. We had arrived at the Calla Lily Valley!

Personally, I think the calla lilly scene was too small to be worth a special trip, but it was a worthwhile surprise. When I was admiring the beauty of the Flower Valley with a middle-aged lady, I said: “This is my first time here. It’s beautiful.” She replied: “Is my first time too.” Before I could say a word, she smiled and said: “I’m from Colorado.” I didn’t say anything, because her first time was not at the same level as mine, and there was no comparison.

Then I was secretly happy: California is really a good place to live and travel! The ocean waves at the seaside in front of the Flower Valley hit the rocks hard and roared violently, I thought I felt the roughness of the wilderness.

Afterwards, we went to the beach with silver sand at Carmel by the Sea. While sitting on a big wooden trunk on the beach to rest, I thought the scenery of the seaside is really rich and diverse. The silver sand of the beach came with a calm wind and gentle waves which were full of relaxing people and happy dogs. It was a very peaceful scene. I couldn’t help but think of the sweet scene when my grandson Ben was still a single child and he came here to play. Ben is a big brother of a year and half old sister now. I wrote the names of Ben and his younger sister Sue on the silver sand of the beach using my barefoot slowly and joyfully, feeling the happiness of being a grandmother.

After leaving Carmel by the Sea, we stopped by Lover’s Point Park where the purple flowers had not yet bloomed. I was pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful picture of “pink clothes”: an old couple sat on chairs facing the sea, the lady wore a black wide-brimmed hat and a pink short-sleeved shirt and the man wore a white hat with silver hair and a blue short-sleeved shirt.

This sightseeing made me think that pink clothes are suitable for women of any age, because a little story of pink clothes had recently surfaced in my memory. In February, on a Saturday morning, after my daughter and I took my two grandchildren to play in Happy Hollow Park, I squatted and watched them playing in a miniature metal car. My daughter suddenly said that the pink sweater I was wearing was pretty. I was very happy to hear this and felt that this saying was familiar but couldn’t remember where I heard it before. After returning home, I checked my past messages and photos and found that my daughter bought me a very beautiful pink sweater cardigan for my 50th Christmas in 2015 and also wrote me a famous saying: “Women over fifty should always have at least one pink shirt in their wardrobe. It’s much cheaper than a facelift.” In the spring of 2016, I wore that pink sweater went to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco with my daughter: eating my favorite fried sweet potato at Stow Lakeside store, visiting the Japanese Tea Garden and climbed the hill behind the artificial waterfall by the Stow Lake. I also discovered that red quince flowers also come in white, pink, and light green variations! The memories evoked by the pink shirt made me realize that my daughter’s constant love and care for me. I am grateful!

After leaving Lover’s Point, we went to an Italian restaurant by the sea for dinner. Ann noticed that during the dinner service tonight, there were only waiters and no waitresses and that the other diners also did not look like locals. We ordered today’s seasonal meal: freshly caught fish (with vegetable and rice) and fresh scallops (with vegetable and pasta), and one fried squid appetizer. Oh, the free bread was very hard. Tonight’s rice had lots of butter, the pasta had a lot of olive oil, and the fried lemon in the fried squid was very unique. These were all
dishes that we usually did not make at home so we enjoyed them a lot.

We happily returned in the dark and cold with the convertible top up. While chatting about family matters and unforgettable events in the past and seeing the faster cars speeding by, I remembered my daughter had said to me, mocking me for driving slowly: “Mom, you should buy an ‘Asian woman driving’ sticker to put on your car.” Despite this, Ann encouraged me to drive slowly. She also ensured I was on the right path, as I tended to misread the GPS map . I sent Ann home, and she waved goodbye to me in the night. It was a warm and sweet scene, I felt grateful for having Ann as a long time good friend!

In the middle of February, following my daughter’s request for a dark color, double-layered, knee-length skirt, I made three skirts for her. She liked them all and I was very happy. Last week, while visiting QM (one of my friends in Waltham) for a small gathering, a mother praised my daughter’s short skirt and lamented that she didn’t like to wear skirts, so her daughter didn’t like to wear skirts. It reminded me of my own mother and the dress my mother bought for me. I think children will always have their own new tastes. As a mother, learning to support children’s own tastes would be good.

In my childhood memory, my mother only wore plain clothes and trousers all year round and never wore any skirt. I only saw her in chi-pao in her school-year photos before 1949. Now I think about my mother’s dress code, I guess it’s because my mother, a Communist Party member from a landlord family, was carefully following the “To face the powder and not to powder the face (translated by a famous scholar 许渊冲 from ‘Women are encouraged to love battle outfits more than pretty dresses’)” culture that was very popular at that time.

The era of “To face the powder and not to powder the face” was also my school period from elementary school to high school. In those years, I only wore one or two short skirts and never wore any dresses.

In 1981, at the early stage of China’s “Economic Reform and Open Up”, I went to college and spent four years at the Sichuan Normal University on Lion Mountain, while I and seven roommates living in room 501 of the girls’ dormitory building. The eight college students in room 501 forged a deep friendship. In 1983, one year before the release of popular movie “Red Skirts Is Popular on the Street”, we, the eight girls in room 501, from the Lion Mountain in the eastern suburb of Chengdu, took buses, after several transfers and went to the Chunxi Road Photo Studio in downtown Chengdu to have a photo with the theme of dresses. This photo sealed our vitality in our sophomore year: in the picture, I was wearing Ping’s strapless dress, a glimpse of a girl’s desire to be pretty and the good team spirit of the college students who were born in 1960s China. More than 30 years have passed, from saying goodbye on Lion Mountain, to being distant between the East Coast and the West Coast of the United States, Ping and I are now neighbors in Greater Boston. Fate in life carries deep love between Ping and I.

As a college student, I enjoyed wearing dresses. Since then, I have worn many dresses, but I think my most beautiful dress is the one my mother bought for me after I graduated university and returned to my alma mater Zigong Shuguang high school as a chemistry teacher, in 1985. At that time, Zigong’s trendy fashion clothes were mostly sold on the street between YingXiongKou (Hero Mouth) and Ziliujing District Committee, which was close to the gate of Zigong No. 1 middle school. That place was called Caravan Fashion Street. I often visited there to see fashion clothes and I was especially interested in pretty dresses. One day, I fell in love with a dress on the Caravan Fashion Street, after a few rounds of bargaining with the shopkeeper, the dress still cost more than 80 yuan. In Zigong in the mid-1980s, the monthly salary of college graduates was around 50 yuan. I didn’t dare to spend a month and a half salary on a dress.

That day, after I came back home, I told my mother: “I saw a pretty dress on the Caravan Fashion Street today. Unfortunately, it was too expensive to buy.” My mother saw from my eyes that I really liked it and regretted it, so she went with me to the Caravan Fashion Street and bought the dress for me.

My mother was frugal all her life and wore very simple plain clothes. After retirement, she bought me a pretty and expensive dress that I dared not buy. This dress left a trace that I was well pampered by my family after I started to work.

I liked this dress very much. I often wore it in the USA. This dress inadvertently accompanied me to meet Chen Xiangmei in Washtington DC and President Bush in the old white house.

On the cold February day in Waltham, looking at the snowflakes flying outside the window, thinking about my late mother and the summer dress, I felt my love for my mother and the warmth of my home in Zigong. Today, looking at the dress my mother bought for me more than 30 years ago, I felt the style of the dress is still very modern.

Because of my late mother, my daughter’s pretty short skirt, decades of college friendship，two late celebrities and a dress bought in my hometown came together as one story. This story from a long ago time is like a bottle of private aged wine. Drinking alone, you will be intoxicated by the private family memory; when sharing it, others will smell the richness of history blending around us.

I am thankful for my mother’s love.

Little Episodes

1. 02-18-2019，Waltham is snowing

2. 02-10-2019，a small gathering at QM’s house, my daughter wore the pretty little skirt:

3. Because of my late mother, two late celebrities and a dress bought in my hometown came together as one story.
On April 6, 2018, [Let Me Say] Chen Xiangmei passed away and the Sino-US trade war is in full swing. The intertwining of unrelated events reminds me of the past when I saw Chen Xiangmei in 1991: she organized many Chinese communities to the White House to support China’s entry into the WTO. In the photo, my friend and I visited the White House (July 10, 1991). Now it may be time for civil society organizations to lobby…

On July 11, 2018, [History in Today] on July 10, 1991, several mainland students took the subway from the CUA (Catholic University of America) to the Old White House to participate in the Chinese activity of “supporting China’s entering to the WTO”. Seeing President Bush (Figure 1) and holding a free White House brochure (Figure 2). The symbolic building of CUA outside the experimental building (Fig. 3). May the people finally benefit from the current hot trade war.

On July 10, 1991, I stood in front of the Old White House, wearing the dress my mother bought me and holding a free White House brochure in my hands.

In May 2017, my mother （10-25-1928 to 05-02-2018年）in a quiet and calm happy mood.

4. On May 28, 1983, Photo of college students living in room 501, our sophomore year in college.

5. Popular in the 1960s and 1970s, “To face the powder and not to powder the face” means “Women are encouraged to love battle outfits more than pretty dresses”, origins from Mao Zedong’s “seven wonders · Title photos for female militia”: “valiant five foot guns, the dawn shines on the drill ground. Chinese people have many wonderful aspirations, do not love red clothes and love armed forces.”

Today，my elementary friends Karen and Sarah celebrated my birthday with me. They asked about my mother’s condition as they knew my mother had had Alzheimer’s for a few years now and that I came back from China less than two weeks ago.

I told them that my mother was recovering slowly, and my aunt took very good care of my mother. I also told a story about my aunt’s dedication. My mother often had fecal incontinence for the past few years; every time she had an accidence, my aunt would immediately clean it with toilet paper and then use a hot wet towel to wipe it more clean, so my mothers’ skin was always dry and clean. Actually my aunt wiped my mother’s bottom body with a hot towel in the morning and in the evening daily. Therefore, my mother never had bedsores.

Chatting about my mother and Alzheimer’s also brought back memories of my recent trip back to China to visit my very ill mother.

In December 2017, when my mother was very ill, my brother called me: “Mommy is very ill, I asked Daddy about whether you come back now? Daddy didn’t say no, so I think it is time for you to come back now.” I bought a one-way ticket from San Francisco to Beijing , with sort of terrified feeling, because I suddenly remembered my maternal grandfather, who had passed away more than 40 years ago, which made me feel it was the call of our ancestors.

On December 14, 2017, I came back to my mother who did not open her mouth, could not swallow, and who always looked very tired with her eyes closed. I was very sad to see my mother in such a weak state in just a month, as she was normal on November 9 when I left her. For two weeks in December 2017, I watched my mother who under the care of my aunt, was recovering bit by bit, to the stage where she could swallow smooth food and could concentrate on watching TV cartoons.

After learning that her maternal grandmother was very ill, my daughter asked Mr. Soss, one of her teachers, who had taken care four elderly relatives with Alzheimer’s disease, for details of the late symptoms of the disease for me. As I am rational, the information given by my daughter helped me to make decision with a peaceful mind on a case which I had no prior experience regarding how seriously ill my mother who had Alzheimer’s was.

Watching my mother recovering slowly and seeing that she still refused to pee in a diaper, I felt my mother’s situation was very stable according to the details provided by my daughter’s teacher. After Christmas, I bought a one-way ticket back to San Jose, as my son who was in college has spent the Christmas home alone in San Jose.

In early 2018, my aunt told me that my mother had recovered very well, which reassured me! In December 13, 2017, the tangled journey of hurrying back to China and the United States finally came to a reassuring end. I was thankful for having my aunt taken care of my mother for many years now.

Now it seemed I made the right decision. Therefore, I would like to share the late changes of Alzheimer’s disease as observed by my daughter’s teacher as a way to spread this knowledge.

Little Episodes

1. Mr. Soss’s email forwarded by my daughter:

Hi Mommy,
Here is what Mr. Soss wrote about the end of Alzheimers, as he observed it with his parents:

What I observed was that near the end the more basic biological functions such as swallowing, breathing etc. that are controlled by the medulla oblongata begin to falter. The patient either can’t swallow at all (as in the case of my mother) or they tend to aspirate the food (i.e. goes into the lungs and not the stomach). It seems that the disease moves downward from the higher cognitive functions to the more primitive ones. In other words, you never have an Alzheimer patient who is conscious and aware, but is unable to swallow or control their bladder. If that is the case, then indeed the end is very close.

2. 11-30-2017 to 12-25-2017，My brother and I often chatted about the details of our mother’s health because we loved her very much.

3. 11-25-2017，My mother playing with my uncle.

4. 12-19-2017，My mother expressed her like of the photo I took for her with a thumbs-up sign.

Half July, Chinese New Year’s Eve, Qingming Festival and Double Ninth Festival are the four major Chinese traditional festivals for the worship of ancestors.

On August 15, 2019 which was also July 15 of the Lunar calendar, I was alone in Chengdu waiting for my high school reunion to be started on the next day. In the afternoon, while wandering around for street food near the hotel, I accidentally walked into Temple Wenshu, a famous Buddhist temple. I saw many people, old and young, burning paper money and incense sticks, kowtowing and bowing in the courtyard of Temple Wenshu, which was already piled with lots of ashes. An old man with incense sticks on his hands told me, “Today is the Zhongyuan Jie, a day to worship our ancestors.” What I heard and saw in the courtyard confirmed that Half July is really a trinity of festivals for Buddhism, Taoism and secular Chinese culture.

After witnessing the whole-hearted folk worship of ancestors in surprise, I also burned paper money and incense sticks, and knelt and kowtowed to pray for peace. In the land of my home province, after a long separation, I closed my eyes and thought of my ancestors. Under the rich ceremony atmosphere, I remember the remote full of love ceremony given to me by my mother and my nanny in the mid-1990s.

In the mid-1990s, while my parents and my nanny Yeyi were in my hometown Zigong, I did my PhD research at VSL in the department of physics at the Catholic University of America (CUA) in Washington, D.C. In that time, e-mail did not exist and my parents and I exchanged greetings and family affairs through overseas letters every month. After my daughter was born, my mother wrote to me in a letter: “Today, your Yeyi (my nanny) visited us and asked for the childhood clothes of you and your bother. Your Yeyi was going to Mountain Emei soon. She planned to hang the clothes on the JinDing (the top of Mountain Emei) for the Buddha’s blessing for a peaceful life for you and your brother.” My mother’s detailed and emotional description of my Yeyi’s love ritual for us touched me very much and I will remember this love forever.

“There is no boundary between life and death in Half July”. My love reverberated between heaven and earth, spreading sweetness and eternity, and enriching my soul. I suddenly realized that one of the driving forces for the continuation and spread of ancient customs is love and family affection.

Little Episodes

1. August 15, 2019. I burned paper money and incense sticks, knelt and kowtowed in the courtyard of Temple Wenshu, worshipped my ancestors and prayed for peace.

2. My shared moment: While witnessing the rich and deep rooted folk ancestor worshipping ceremony, I also burnt paper money, worshiped my ancestors, knelt down and expressed my feelings of thankful and gratitude. Today is my mother’s second Zhongyuan Jie in heaven. May my late mother and ancestors bless us with safety and auspice（2019-08-15-2019).

I didn’t expect that I would talk about certain details regarding my mother’s 2018 death, details that only my little aunt and I would talk about.

On April 18, 2018, I bought a one-way flight ticket back to China, because my mother was very ill and she was getting weaker by the day.

Before I came back, my father had moved to another bedroom to sleep and my little aunt slept with my mother. Now, I slept with my mother every night. My mother had not eaten and lay quietly in bed for a few days. In those days, we turned her from one side to another side from time to time and smeared her dry lips with wet cotton balls.

May 2, 2018 was a Wednesday. After lunch, as usual, I went to my parents’ bedroom to sleep with my mother. I lay beside my mother and fell asleep quickly, then I heard my little aunt saying “Fifth older sister, you made a very big yawn. Do you want to sleep more?”

I turned over and said to my little aunt, “My mother needs to sleep more.”

After a while, I used my hand to touch my mother’s face and felt her face was very cold. I got up quickly and called my little aunt. My little aunt came to our bed and touched my mother’s hands and she also felt that my mother’s hands began to get cold. We quickly dressed our mother with the many layers of shrouds specially made for her. Then my little aunt carried my mother from bed to the chair in the living room and sat her down. Later, my little aunt said, “While carrying our fifth older sister, I usually felt she was very heavy. The last time I carried her from the bed to the chair, I felt our fifth older sister is so light.”

My little uncle called to inform my brother who was working in the office to come back quickly.

My dressed mother who sat on the chair in the living room was surrounded by my father, my little aunt, my little uncle and I. My father was anxiously taking her pulse. I held my mother’s hand in one hand and stroked her face with the other hand. My little aunt kept on telling my mother, “Fifth older sister, you have to wait until Lichuan comes back.”

My mother didn’t wait until her son came back. She passed away peacefully around people who loved her very much.

My little aunt said, “According to the custom of Zigong, the dying one has to sit up and ‘walk’ away. Lying in bed will make dying one ‘walk’ away very tired. Our fifth older sister was in sitting position to ‘walk’ away, so she was not tired.”

In the world, adults are used to fatigue. The concerns about leaving the world “not tired”, revealed the simple true love for the dead. Thinking of this, I am very grateful to my little aunt for taking very good care of my mother who had Alzheimer’s in recent years and also for caring about my mother’s passing away in a tireless way.

After accompanying my mother to die, I became less fearful of death and cherished loving relationships more.

Little Episodes

1. 10-30-2017，My mother and my little aunt walking together

2. 2017-05-06, My mother（10-25-1928 to 05-02-2018）

Today, on a rainy summer Sunday, while buying summer flowers, I thought about how “life be beautiful like summer flowers” from the Indian poet Tagore (1861-1941).

I bought a bunch of colorful flowers: red roses and carnations, purple, yellow and white chrysanthemums. Although it was in Massachusetts with four distinct seasons, “cold resistant” Autumn chrysanthemums were in full bloom in summer, which made me realize that greenhouses had made seasonal flowers lose their concept of the seasons.

Looking at the beautiful chrysanthemums in their simply layered petals and their many layers of gorgeous curved petals, I remember Chengdu, the place where I saw the most varieties of chrysanthemums in my life. While attending college in Chengdu in the 1980′s for four years, I took buses from Sichuan Normal University to Chengdu People’s Park to watch the Chrysanthemum Exhibition in October.

I like chrysanthemums, because my mother liked chrysanthemums. Then I thought of my unique experience with buying chrysanthemums for my mother who loved flowers very much in the past.

In the last few years, I often ordered flowers online as birthday or special day gifts for my parents, as I had more free time to appreciate their love from far away. Every time after receiving the flowers, my mother would happily describe to me how beautiful and charming the flowers were, in our small talks which crossed the ocean. The flowers I ordered online were mostly lilies, orchids, carnations, roses, etc.

In 2011, while staying with my parents in Beijing, I saw huge beautiful white chrysanthemums in a flower shop one day, I bought a few of them to give to my mother. I thought my mother would be happy to see such beautiful chrysanthemums. However, I was surprised to see her slightly unhappy expression when she saw the white chrysanthemums at first sight. I knew I did something wrong, but I was not sure what. I didn’t ask my mother why she was unhappy and my mother didn’t say a thing about it either. Still, I was ofent puzzled about it in my mind.

A few years later, my friend Yang and I chatted about our mother and I told her the story of how my mother was unhappy to see white chrysanthemums I gave to her. After hearing my story, Yang said, “Miss, do you not know that white chrysanthemums can’t be used as a regular gift to people in Chinese culture?”

After that, I studied online and found: “White chrysanthemum has the meaning of mourning and remembering the dead in Chinese culture. It is suitable for funeral, worship and tomb sweeping. It is not suitable as a regular gift.”

My ignorance of sending white chrysanthemums that made my mother unhappy was a memorable episode. While telling my daughter the story of “I once gave your grandmother a bunch of white chrysanthemums”, I added, “I have no taboo feelings towards flowers, only sweet feelings.”

Little Episodes

1. Famous pome about chrysanthemums
《吟菊》
唐 白居易（772－846）

一夜新霜著瓦轻，芭蕉新折败荷倾。
耐寒唯有东篱菊，金粟初开晓更清。

Night frost attached to the roof tile, the banana and lotus were frosted too.
Only chrysanthemums are cold resistant, they blooming in the morning fresh the air.

2. I translated “Summer Flowers” by Tagoreinto Chinese in the way I felt。
Thanks to my late mother who passed to me the trait of “Love years stationed in the belief。”

I hear love, I believe in love
Love is a pool of struggling blue-green algae
As desolate micro-burst of wind
Bleeding through my veins
Years stationed in the belief
我倾听爱，我相信爱
爱是一池挣扎的蓝藻
似阵阵微风
吹拂我的血脉
信念经年不变

My material grandmother died of illness in the 1940s, when my mother was less than 14 years old. This is the story of the grandmother I know.

My mother often cried “Mother, Mother” when she was under a lot of unbearable pain in the hospital in her early stage of Alzheimers. This is the story of my mother and grandmother.

My maternal grandmother, her son, her daughter-in-law, and her grandson.

Looking at the photo of my grandmother that was kept by my late mother, I thought about my mother, in the pain with early stage Alzheimers, calling for her mother who had left her for more than 70 years and I was very much touched. I guessed that in my mother’s memory there must a very special place which kept her love for her mother and the silent memory awakened the long-lost mother’s love which she enjoyed in her childhood, on many occasions. I guess my mother had a strong desire to return to the primitive and simple past life close to her mother.

I also thought about my mother and my grandmother’s life span and their children, which made me feel good. My middle-aged grandmother who died of illness left behind two underaged daughters (my mother and aunt). But my own very ill mother lived to 89-years-old and died peacefully with the people who loved her very much beside her and with her three grandchildren all over the age of 18. In our family story, two generations of mothers, the younger generation lived longer than the older, so I can clearly see progress in our family.

After frequently thinking about my late mother and my late grandmother whom I never had a chance to meet, I felt that living a good life is my best way to remember and admire my mother and my grandmother in this life.

Death is not farewell, forgetting is, as Hector in the “Coco” movie said: “If there’s no one left in the living world to remember you, you disappear from this world.”

Little Episodes

1. My Mother when she was young.

Lei, one of my close college classmates (We climbed Emei Mountain together in 1984), said: “several years ago, I read an article saying that many people will call their mother before they pass away. Several years later, when my father died, his consciousness was not clear, but he clearly called his mother (although he had been away from his mother for nearly 60 years). Maybe the life given by his mother will eventually return to his mother, and they will still have a mother and child relationship in the next life.”

Xun, one of my high school classmates, commented: “Yes! Death is not farewell, forgetting is! Our late beloved ones are always in our thoughts and spirits!”

One of my high school alumni said, “Our beloved ones will always look at us in heaven and bless us. I firmly believe that the spirit of them will always inspire us. Living well is the best way to remember them!”

There is a well－known Chinese children song called “A child with a mother is a treasure”. An old saying goes, “No matter how old you are, you will always be a child in your mother’s eyes.” Another said: “You should think of your mother while celebrating your birthday, because she brought you to the world and taught you to enjoy life.”

This year, I had my first birthday without my mother who just passed away in half a year (October 25, 1928 – May 2, 2018). Because of this, I looked at sentimental objects that carried my late mother’s love.

I am wearing a jade bracelet which was wore by my mother for many years on my left wrist everyday since 2005. The jade bracelet was a 40th birthday gift from my mother. Looking at the jade bracelet on my left bracelet, I dug out the 40th birthday card from my parents. Reading my mother’s beautiful handwritten notes, my memories of my late mother came alive with my mother’s voice; her smiling face and her likes.

My mother liked beautiful flowers and flowers with fragrant. Through various flowers, she taught me to enjoy the magic of fragrance, the charm of bright colors, and the concept of beauty when I was little. Though I lived far away from my mother for most of my adulthood, seeing beautiful flowers anywhere always reminds me of my mother. This is a very sweet and unique bonding and feeling between my mother and I.

In 2017, while chatting with Karen, one of my best friends from elementary school, about the legality of marijuana in California, Karen said, “I’ll get high when I hear my favorite songs.” I replied, “I’ll get high when I look at beautiful flowers!” We happily said unison, “We don’t need marijuana to get high.”

My mother liked to wear silk clothes, while changing to her goose yellow Indian silk shirt from a long time ago, she told me silk clothes are very comfortable to wear in the summer. I curiously touched the silk shirt and liked the material very much, because my mother’s Indian silk shirt feels like feather very light, soft and smooth, unlike the cotton clothes I wore which feel heavy, rough and thick. I learned to enjoy the pleasure of wearing silk in the summer: soft and smooth, cool and dripping, I have a few nice silk clothes and skirts.

My mother liked jade. She said to us once: “My mother was buried with a very valuable chicken blood jade bracelet, but the jade bracelet was taken away by the grave rubbers.” I never saw my grandma’s chicken blood jade bracelet, but I like red jewelry, such as red coral and jequirity beans.

My mother’s likes carry her own way of enjoying life. Her likes also guide me to enjoy life with the blending of longing and memories.

A mother who knows how to enjoy the little things will raise children to enjoy the little things in life. I am missing my mother on my birthday and thank my late mother for bringing me to the world and for showing me how to enjoy life.

Little Episodes

1. The 40th birthday card from my parents:

静川你好！
这只翡翠玉镯是妈妈送你不惑之年，四十岁的生日礼物（据资料介绍，翡翠为绿色硬玉，半透明，有光泽，很珍贵）希望你喜欢。祝你身体健康，生日快乐。并祝艾琳、杜克健康成长，学习进步。
爸爸妈妈
2005、元、1
于北京

2. January 2019，while reading my mother’s beautiful handwritten notes, my memories of my late mother came alive with my mother’s voice; her smiling face and her likes.

3. May 2017，my mother in Changping Xincun

July 27 is an important anniversary day for me. On July 27, 1984, it was the first and only time I went to Mount Emei for a five-day trip with three college girl friends. Mount Emei is one of the Four Sacred Buddhist Mountains of China, and is traditionally regarded as the bodhimaṇḍa, or place of enlightenment, of the bodhisattva Samantabhadra (普賢菩薩).

Recently, all of us got together online to recall our trip to Mount Emei back 37 years ago, which awakened our sincere youthful true feelings.

To celebrate the memory of youth from 37 years ago, I visited a seaside small town for three days.

From one of the Sacred Buddhist Mountains of China to a seaside town on the East Coast of the United States, from a 19-year-old normal university student to a 56 year old silver haired retiree, I felt my staying near the sea helped me to quietly enjoy the wealth accumulated for me across the ocean and over 37 years.

On July 27, 2021, it was pouring rain in the evening of the first day in the town. The next day was sunny and cozy.

In the early morning, I walked along the paved seaside trail, and was happily aware of no steep mountains to climb. I also experienced the solo traveler’s familiar private joy. Walking along the path by the sea, looking at many benches with inscriptions on them, I felt content, because a beautiful scenery with many benches is a good place to indulge oneself.

I walked all the way and curiously read many inscriptions on the benches. I found an emotional inscription: “Remembering Wendy Breen Kline at her favorite place: ‘Love endures all things, love never ends’”.

The inscription struck me, as if to introduce a resonant soul to me and also to convey the great love between heaven and earth, and my love of my late mother too.

With my late mother in my mind, I sat down to enjoy the beauty of this place and to feel the special thoughts of this bench. I told my flower-loving mother in my heart: “This is my first time here. The flowers along this beach on the East Coast are different from the flowers along the Santa Cruz Beach on the West Coast. Here has a lot of rugosa rose, and the Santa Cruze Beach has a lot of disphyma crassifolium. ”

After a while, an old man passing me smiled and waved. I smiled back and said: “Good morning.”

He pointed to the bench I was sitting and said, “You got the best seat!”

I felt a connection between us, so I said happily, “Yes, I know. I like what it says on the bench too.”

I continued sitting on the bench in Wendy’s favorite place, closing my eyes to recite the words about love on the bench: “Love endures all things, love never ends” and to smell the salty sea breeze blowing on my face and the smell of the soil emitted from the rain last night in the sun.

I thought of Ruth, Kara’s veterinary, a Jewish woman, who signed her poetry collection book for me: “to never ending end“, to convey the eternity of love.

I remembered the inscription on my favorite bench by the stream in Almaden Valley in San Jose California: “love is like a pebble dropped in the creek. It ripples, extending beyond our horizon. We know that love has graced us and we will treasure that forever”, which shows that love has magical powers.

I also remembered my toast at the farewell dinner table before graduating from college: “for love”, conveying my true feelings.

37 years have passed, I am thankful for the journey, from China to the United States, from the West Coast to the East Coast, with the variation of Eastern and Western cultures, which hardened my belief in love, a wealth worth to have.

Little Episodes

1. The flowers, near the ocean, I told my late mother about:
The rose along the beach in Maine in the East Coast of the United States (07-28-2021)

The disphyma crassifolium along the Santa Cruz Beach in the West Coast of the United States (05-02-2016)

The myoporum flowers on the coast side at Hurricane Point on California Route 1 (09-2018):

2. The Bench dedicated to Wendy in her favorite place, on the East Coast of the United States (07-28-2021)

3. In San Jose, California, the place and the chair with the inscription, my favorite spot in Almaden Valley (12-28-2014)

4. A toast from our group at the farewell dinner before graduating from college (07-03-1985)

Shen – for joy, Lu – for happiness, I – for love, Dai – for friendship, Geng – for four years together, Guo Fei – for a bright future, Ma Jianhua – drink more for a good sleep tonight, Cai Li – for the eternal career, Zhang Hong – for the future, Qin Tian – for the ups and downs of tomorrow, and Li Zhengchu – for one.